5 Practices of Happy People
“Happiness is an inside job” is a popular phrase. It emphasizes the idea that TRUE HAPPINESS comes from within oneself and cannot be reliant on external events or the actions of others.
Yet much of the time, we chase conditional happiness, the kind of happiness that’s contingent upon specific conditions or external factors being met. For example, we might believe we can only be really happy once an “important dream” we have for our life comes true, such as realizing a burning personal desire, or accomplishing a specific career goal, or achieving a certain amount of financial security.
Don’t get me wrong: there can be nothing more delicious than having a big dream and then making it come true. Such accomplishments do make us happy and deservedly so. But when we are dependent upon the attainment of that dream in order to feel good, our happiness is limited and precarious.
The problem with conditional happiness is it can be fleeting and unstable. It places our well-being in the hands of outside circumstances that are usually beyond our control. If the desired conditions are not met or if external factors change, our happiness can quickly diminish or disappear.
Alternatively, unconditional happiness – also known as inner happiness – is not dependent on external factors. It is a state of well-being that is not easily influenced by what is occurring in the outside world or what other people are doing. Unconditional happiness stems from a sense of contentment, gratitude, self-acceptance, and a deeper understanding of oneself.
Instead of depending on outside events and other people in order to feel happy, a much better idea is to cultivate unconditional happiness, that state of contentment and well-being that remains steady regardless of the ups and downs of life. When we’re able to guide ourselves to good-feeling states such that we can feel happy while we’re on the path of pursuing whatever it is that we want, do you know what happens? Our dream is realized more quickly and easily than it would have been otherwise. You see, when we’re able to guide ourselves to genuinely better-feeling states of being, we gain access to a wisdom and a clarity and a knowingness that’s just not available to us otherwise.
Being happy on the way to achieving whatever we want (as opposed to not being happy because we don’t have it yet) is a little-known secret to living our best lives! And we can attain this state by purposefully cultivating unconditional happiness.
Achieving unconditional happiness is a journey and often requires intentional effort, self-reflection and the development of certain skills that foster inner well-being and contentment. Here are five powerful practices that can help you get there.
1. Practice being present.
It is so easy to feel rushed in everyday life and to constantly be stuck in thoughts about the past or to be wondering and worrying about the future. Being in the present moment refers to a state of conscious awareness and attention focused on the here and now, without being overly preoccupied with the past or future. It involves directing your attention fully to the current experience, whether it be your thoughts, sensations, emotions, or the environment around you. It is about being fully engaged and immersed in the present rather than being caught up in regrets, worries, or distractions.
According to Shirzad Chamine, the New York Times bestselling author of Positive Intelligence who has trained faculty at Stanford and Yale business schools:
“One minute of being fully present with a loved one
has a deeper and more lasting impact on your relationship
than spending a whole day together while you have a scattered mind.”
Think about the power of that! There are a variety of techniques that can be used to help keep you in the present moment including single-tasking, engaging your senses, deep breathing exercises, mindfulness meditation, body scan meditation and gratitude exercises.
2. Stop caring about what other people think.
Caring about what others think can negatively impact our well-being and inhibit our personal growth. First of all, we can’t know for sure what someone else is thinking. We can only know what we are thinking. So any speculation about what someone is thinking is just that: speculation, and it serves no useful purpose.
Even when someone tells us what they think, it generally serves no useful purpose to allow ourselves to develop judgments about that. Here are some reasons why it is important to not care about others’ opinions:
Authenticity and self-expression: When we constantly worry about others' opinions, we suppress our true selves and conform to societal expectations. By letting go of this concern, we can embrace our authentic selves, express our opinions, and pursue our passions without fear of judgment.
Self-confidence and self-esteem: Relying on external validation for our self-worth can be precarious. When we prioritize our own beliefs and values over others' opinions, we cultivate a stronger sense of self-confidence and self-esteem. This empowers us to make decisions that align with our true desires, rather than seeking approval from others.
Freedom and independence: Constantly seeking approval from others can lead to a lack of freedom and independence. By detaching ourselves from the opinions of others, we gain the freedom to live life on our own terms, make choices that resonate with us, and pursue our own paths without being constrained by societal pressures.
Emotional well-being: Placing too much importance on others' opinions can result in anxiety, stress, and self-doubt. When we let go of this concern, we can experience greater emotional well-being and peace of mind. We become less affected by criticism or judgment, allowing us to focus on our personal growth and happiness.
Individuality and creativity: Embracing our unique perspectives and ideas often requires breaking away from the expectations of others. By not caring excessively about what others think, we foster individuality and encourage creativity. This allows us to explore new possibilities and make innovative contributions to our fields of interest.
3. Give others the benefit of the doubt.
While “unconditionally happy people” don’t put much credence in what others think about them, they do interact with them from a place of genuine love and compassion. Having a default stance of “typically giving people the benefit of the doubt” is a good-feeling and productive way to navigate life. It means assuming the best intentions and giving people a fair chance before forming judgments or conclusions. It has quite a few values and benefits:
Promotes empathy and understanding: By giving others the benefit of the doubt, we acknowledge that people may have valid reasons or circumstances that influence their actions. It helps us cultivate empathy and seek understanding, rather than jumping to negative assumptions. This approach encourages compassion and open-mindedness in our interactions.
Encourages positive relationships: When we offer the benefit of the doubt, we create a foundation of trust and goodwill in our relationships. It allows us to give others the opportunity to explain themselves, resolve misunderstandings, and foster healthier communication. By assuming positive intentions, we promote a positive and supportive environment that strengthens relationships.
Reduces conflict and resentment: Misunderstandings and conflicts often arise due to misinterpretations or negative assumptions. By giving the benefit of the doubt, we give space for clarification and avoid unnecessary conflicts. It helps prevent resentment and encourages constructive dialogue, leading to more harmonious interactions.
Supports personal growth: Giving people the benefit of the doubt allows us to be open to learning and growth. It encourages us to challenge our biases and preconceived notions. By assuming positive intentions, we create opportunities for personal development, as we become more receptive to different perspectives and experiences.
Fosters a positive outlook: Adopting a mindset of giving the benefit of the doubt contributes to a more positive and optimistic outlook on life. It allows us to focus on the good in people rather than dwelling on negativity. This positive mindset can have a ripple effect, influencing our own well-being and inspiring others to respond in kind.
Builds a supportive community: When individuals give each other the benefit of the doubt, it contributes to the creation of a supportive community. It creates an atmosphere where people feel respected, understood, and valued. This, in turn, encourages collaboration, cooperation, and the development of meaningful connections.
4. Foster self-acceptance.
Fostering self-acceptance is about YOU taking care of YOU. It is a process of embracing all aspects of yourself, including your strengths, weaknesses, past experiences, and imperfections, and involves developing a compassionate and non-judgmental attitude towards yourself. Here are some ways to cultivate self-acceptance:
Practice self-compassion: Treat yourself with kindness and understanding, just as you would a close friend or loved one. Acknowledge your flaws and mistakes without harsh self-criticism. Self-compassion allows you to respond to your own struggles and shortcomings with empathy, fostering a sense of acceptance and understanding.
Embrace your uniqueness: Recognize that you are a unique individual with your own set of talents, interests, and quirks. Embrace your individuality and appreciate the qualities that make you who you are. Celebrating your uniqueness promotes self-acceptance and allows you to appreciate your own value.
Let go of comparisons: Comparing yourself to others can be detrimental to self-acceptance. Remember that everyone has their own journey and set of strengths and weaknesses. Instead of focusing on what others have or achieve, concentrate on your own progress and growth. Comparisons only serve to undermine self-acceptance and breed discontent.
Challenge negative self-talk: Notice the negative thoughts or beliefs you may have about yourself and question their validity. Replace self-critical thoughts with more positive and realistic ones. Cultivate a supportive and encouraging inner dialogue that nurtures self-acceptance and self-esteem.
Practice self-care: Engage in activities that promote self-care and self-nurturing. Prioritize your physical, emotional, and mental well-being. Taking care of yourself sends a message of self-acceptance and self-worth. It reinforces the belief that you deserve love, care, and attention.
Seek support: Surround yourself with supportive and understanding people who accept you for who you are. Seek out individuals who uplift and encourage you. Sharing your struggles and vulnerabilities with trusted individuals can provide validation and help in fostering self-acceptance.
5. Practice the skill and art of feeling good on purpose.
Bottom line: in cultivating unconditional happiness, always PAY ATTENTION TO HOW YOU FEEL. And in every moment that you realize that you’re not feeling as good as you want to, reach for a thought that feels better than the one(s) you’re currently entertaining.
The ability to guide yourself to better-feeling states of being is a skill and an art that can be learned and perfected. And you will realize untold benefits in all aspects of your life by doing so! For more information, download my free copy of the 4-Step Formula for a Truly Happier and Wiser You.